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If you don't send us referrals - this bunny's days are numbered...
Do you remember an old MAD magazine cover that showed a cute dog who is glancing sideways to a hugh gun held to his head with the banner reading, "If you don't buy this magazine, we will kill this dog?" This was one of their more successful ideas. Not being prone to reinvent the wheel, I recently noticed "Popcorn," the cute little bunny at Frandor Moto Photo in Lansing. This is the rabbit who nuzzles his furry presence into pictures with all those cute little kids.
This is "lepus-love" when everyone says "Awe, isn't the bunny cute". The bunny can also make great stew! When is the last time you ever heard of a rabbit dying of old age? Owls eat them, your dogs & cats eat them (sometimes, after you run them over beforehand), and TN members can join the culinary crew when we pass our free samples of rabbit stew at our office (we can freeze a sample for your Ritz crackers if your scheduling doesn't allow you to join our eager tasters and TN carnivores). Tom at Moto Photo said that everything, even the beloved Popcorn, has a price, and after all, rabbits reproduce like — well — rabbits. He was getting tired of being stared at with those deep dewey black bunny eyes as he tried to do his office work. There is a way of avoiding this execution — food event! If we see a dramatic increase of referrals pouring in, Popcorn will be spared so he (or is it a she?) can live its life of luxury to avoid the consequences of a rapidly descending surgical stainless steel cleaver. We will avoid the wrath of tree & rabbit huggers everywhere, aggressive bleeding heart SPCAists, holier-than-thou vegetarians only if you SEND IN YOUR REFERRALS! Save Popcorn — do it for the kids! You even earn 100 trade dollars if the referral you gave us signs up (at grocery store prices, this will buy a bundle of farm raised rabbit). Popcorn is waiting for me to visit him. Popcorn’s little black eyes have a tinge of fear. Its soft, floppy ears are flattened back when it wonders if I brought the cleaver and pot. Let Popcorn live a long, rich life in the Moto Photo Cage - your referrals are important! The blood will be on YOUR hands if Popcorn ends up in the tasty stew. If we still have your attention by now, we have Popcorn to thank but we cannot over stress the importance of your referrals to the TN cause. TN will go to great lengths towards this goal. We have enclosed a ‘bunny’ postcard for your mailing convenience. Very truly yours, Gary Kay President, Trade Network, Inc. Disclaimer: this is a sort of work of science fiction and any resemblance to the real life is stronly denied. This applies to any planet with lawyers and militant vegetarians. |
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